2 packages of semisweet baking chocolate (16 sq. total)
2 packages of white baking chocolate (16 sq. total)
Lollipop sticks Styrofoam blocks (found in the gardening section, usually)
Pay for them. Don’t run out of the store clutching these things like a lunatic. Although if you’ve already eaten one of these bad boys, you will be forgiven for acting this way. Still, be cool. Be cool.
Go home. Put the package of regular Oreos in a bag. Pulverize them with a rolling pin until they’re nothing but fine, mealy crumbs. Then, in a kitchen stand mixer or a regular old bowl, combine the crumbs with a package of cream cheese until it’s all well-blended.
Scoop out the mixture and roll them into little balls- about 2 TBsp per ball should suffice. Set the balls on a baking sheet, lined with aluminum foil and sprayed with a little vegetable oil to keep them from sticking. Then impale the little suckers with lollipop sticks, about 3/4 of the way in, molding the cookie mixture more firmly around the stick. Repeat process with the vanilla cookies. Then refrigerate the lot for a few hours, maybe overnight.
The next day, or after your little happiness nuggets are well-chilled, toss the baking chocolate squares into a bowl and microwave until melted, according to the package instructions. Dip the babies into the chocolate until well-covered. Then pop them into the styrofoam. They’ll stay upright and won’t have those weird flat heads and the other cake pop mothers won’t glare at you with judging eyes. Chill again until the chocolate hardens into a thin candy shell. And then eat them. Eat all the pops.
When you take a bite, there will be a crunch and then the chocolate will give way and melt slightly in your mouth and on your hands and everywhere. Then, the Oreo-Cheesecake like center will envelope you in a warm embrace. Shhhhh, it’ll say. Shhhhh. Don’t speak. Let this happen.
We did regular Oreos dipped in the semi-sweet chocolate and the vanilla Oreos in white chocolate. And now I’m fantasizing about annihilating cookies of all kinds. Peanut butter with strawberry cream cheese! Maple cremes with a syrup drizzle! Lemon shortbread with a glaze! Oh, the places we will go.